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Karkat can feel himself slipping, and finally coming to terms with the realization makes him lose his breath, a sob clawing its way up his throat. It burns with the threat of tears and the pain makes it all the more clear to him that it's happening.

Karkat is too late. Gamzee is no longer his.

The small teen hunches over as he sits cross-legged in front of his husktop, hugging himself. The first cry that leaves his lips brings on red tears and it confuses him because he doesn't cry, he holds it in. He's supposed to be strong. He knew this day was coming; he had the time to prevent it, to change the course of events. But he hadn't because he isn't strong.  He didn't have the nerve. He is a failure.

A pained cry fills Karkat's boring respiteblock. The Cancer lets himself be pulled under, allowing his bottled up feelings to finally reach the surface where they turn into heartbreaking screams and fresh tears. Karkat gets on his knees, covering his head with his hands, pulling at his black hair as he turns into himself. He sobs into his sweater.

Why was he so fucking fuckity fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK?!

More loud crying and the brief sound of Karkat gasping for air.

Why was he so unloved?

Gamzee had picked Tavros over him. Karkat knows that he is only Gamzee's moirail, nothing more, but apparently his inner quadrant chart thinks differently. It loves Gamzee with the biggest, brightest red heart, not a pale-oh so fucking pale- diamond. Every time Karkat had had a feelings jam with the Capricorn, there was a spark. Karkat tried to smother it and contain it so it wouldn't grow big and uncontrollable like it was now, but somehow it kindled in his blood pumper. It grew. It spread. It consumed him.

It was his gravest mistake. Stupid little mutant piece of shit. No one loves a fuck up.

Karkat would watch his RomComs and picture himself as the troll being held in his lover's arms. He would be kissed tenderly and be told that he was perfect and loved. So fucking loved. And the troll holding him in those arms was Gamzee. The lips against his were Gamzee's. The words which meant the world to him were Gamzee's.

The Cancer also knows that they are exactly that: movies. They don't fucking understand that Gamzee doesn't love Karkat, that he loves someone else. They don't tell the fragile troll what he's supposed to do if he isn't cherished. RomComs always have happy endings. This is not happy. This is miserable.

Karkat's chest rattles like an empty CD case. He drags his nails up and down his head and pieces of his soft hair fall on his shoulders from the pulling. He puts a hand on the ground to help ease his body down as he lays on the floor, curled in a fetal position. The loud cries have become quieter and softer. Karkat has a runny nose, but he doesn't wipe it away. There are tear tracks running down his red face, but he doesn't touch them. He hasn't cried by himself before; Gamzee is supposed to be here to wipe his face. Without him, he doesn't know what to do.

Tavros is lucky to have an incredible troll like Gamzee as a matesprit. Karkat can see why Gam loves him. The Taurus is cute and shy, friendly, doesn't curse or yell, and loves everybody. He's everything that Vantas isn't.

Karkat looks at his blurry husktop screen with tears still in his eyes. He blinks them away, slowly moving a hand to the mouse pad. His red-rimmed yellow eyes focus on the pester log that is still on the screen.

TC: KaRbRo, ArE yOu AlL uP aNd ThErE?
TC: aRe YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg AlL rIGhT?

Karkat had forgotten that he was still pestering his moirail. Ten mintues ago the indigo-blood had told him about his new Matesprit, and Karkat had gone stiff like one of the dead beasts Crabdad would bring home to him. Then he had cried, lied on the floor, and is now finally responding to the messages.

CG: I'M FUCKING FINE.
CG: AND I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU TOO. I REALLY AM.

TC: (o: tHaNkS! iT's A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE tHaT mY bRo LoVeS mE bACk.

CG: HE'S LUCKY TO FUCKING HAVE YOU. DON'T LET HIM GO AND ALWAYS FUCKING TELL HIM HOW MUCH HE GOGDAMN MEANS TO YOU. GOT THAT, ASSFUCK?

TC: DiD yOu GeT aLl ThAt FrOm YoUr MoViEs?

CG: YEAH, FROM MY SHITTY MOIVES.

Another throbbing cry.

CG: I HAVE TO FUCKING GO.

TC: aW oKaY, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: aRe YoU SuRe ThAt YoU'rE aLl Up AnD oKaY? )o:

-CG has ceased pestering TC-

No, he isn't okay. He is anything but okay.
  
Karkat shuts his husktop, closing his aching eyes. Today was just another day where he had come to realize that he really didn't like himself.
Gamzee and Tavros have become offical Matesprits, and Karkat comes to realize that his hate for himself goes past his small body, nubby horns, and shitty blood color.

Short sadstuck that I cooked up last night. I was in the mood for some depressing shiz.

Greatly inspired by this amazing picture here [link]

Enjoy some GAMKAR!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpoopin-sack:
Poopin-Sack Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2015
some happystuff for you guys C:
meanwhile in ???stuck

Dirk: i love it when they get fiesty. 
Reply
:iconfluttershyisbest1932:
Fluttershyisbest1932 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Digital Artist
"No one loves a fuck up."


I love fuck ups...
Reply
:iconrebeckahhisreckless:
RebeckahhIsReckless Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Student Writer
K-Karkitty ;-;
Reply
:iconnarutolaw:
NarutoLaw Featured By Owner May 8, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Awwww, Karkat ;n;
Reply
:iconask-karkatvantus:
Ask-KarkatVantus Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
(Where have you been all my life?!I love your sadstuck!)
Reply
:iconkehxkeova:
KehXKeova Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Awww!!! TAT

This is beautiful but so sad!! T^T

And I understand about having different feelings effects our writting.
Music, dirrerent kinds, would put you in specific moods, too!
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you uvu <3

And yeah! I always listen to a specific type of music to set the mood
Reply
:iconkehxkeova:
KehXKeova Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
You're welcome!! :hug:
Reply
:iconmustlovehorror:
MustLoveHorror Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw, poor Karkat :( I know how it feels, to all up and have someone you truly care for leave you for another motherfucker. Actually, for a bunch of different motherfuckers. All up and leaving you to feel like you're motherfucking alone.
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aaaaaaaw *hugs you tightly* I know that feeling too, don't worry.
Reply
:iconmustlovehorror:
MustLoveHorror Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconsadhugplz: thanks, friend :'o)
Reply
:iconlololololololololo93:
lololololololololo93 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Oh my.. This is just so sad!! :ohnoes:
ALL DESE FEELS, OMG. STOP THIS MADNESS!
Poor Karkat!! I am seriously bawling right now. HE JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED!! QAQ
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*passes you the tissue box* YOU MIGHT NEED THESE.
Reply
:iconlololololololololo93:
lololololololololo93 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist
*sniffle* Thank you kindly *takes tissues* AND THE RAIN OF SNOT/TEARS BEGIN *shrivels up and bawls rather loudly in a dark corner*
Reply
:iconjadewing413:
jadewing413 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Karkat. WE LOVE YOU!!! *runs over to him and glomps*
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Karkat: *sniff* Thank you
Reply
:iconjadewing413:
jadewing413 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
your welcome Karkles. :3
Reply
:iconkerosenesteve:
keroseneSteve Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh god

no

no don't do this to my feelings stOP
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I CAN'T STOP
I JUST
ALL I CAN WRITE IS SADSTUCK
Reply
:iconkerosenesteve:
keroseneSteve Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
KEEP DOING IT I LOVE SADSTUCK
Reply
:iconcaitlinmonsterr:
caitlinmonsterr Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh DaMn BrO tHiS bRoUgHt MoThErFuCkIn TeArS tO mY eYeS. )o':




sorry Karkat... damn that was motherfuckin insane. But maybe happy endings will come to Karkat in the future! you know, miracles and shit. :o)
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aaaaaaaaaaaaw ewfhauwifhaw shoosh, there there.

oh yes, karkat shall get the happy ending he diserves someday. poor baby...
Reply
:iconcaitlinmonsterr:
caitlinmonsterr Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
well i hope it happens soon! I dont like seeing my best motherfuckin friend all sad and shit.... maybe some faygo will cheer him up.... xD
Reply
:iconj0rdgubbe:
j0rdgubbe Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student General Artist
):
Karkat, qurl you're giving me feels.
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wufhwaha *shoooosh*
Reply
:iconlonetaku:
LoneTaku Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Writer
I don't even ship either of the its. And yet...

Dammit. Stupid feels. Why must you betray me? Do you just LIKE to run away to people with more talent?

I like it better without you anyways.
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you have to beat your feels with newspapers. roll up whatever paper is near you and just :iconfeelsplz:
Reply
:iconlonetaku:
LoneTaku Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Student Writer
XD good idea. It's like in that children's porn book, if you do something upsetting it dips into other people's pornbuckets/feels. You have to whip your pornobucket/feels into shape so they stay there!
Reply
:iconmyheartforhim:
MyHeartForHim Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
crys river of tears
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*is swept up and carried down stream*
Reply
:iconmyheartforhim:
MyHeartForHim Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
log of feels float in river
Reply
:iconkuronrko98:
Kuronrko98 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
adkrygwlilyhukqwu4hqlougli
^ That is my feels
Broken and laying on the floor
I look down at them and smile
Yesss
This is what I liiiike
You've done it again
The beautiful sadness
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconblushplz: thank you, thank you. i love writing sadstuck more than i should
Reply
:iconkuronrko98:
Kuronrko98 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
I love reading sadstuck more than I should! xD
Reply
:iconasteriisms:
Asteriisms Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
once again i'm attacked by my feels ;-;
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
they revolt sometimes ;~; <3
Reply
:iconjyuudai:
Jyuudai Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student General Artist
Awwwwww ;A;
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconeridancryforeverplz:
Reply
:iconjyuudai:
Jyuudai Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student General Artist
:iconlazypoolplz: ;3;
Reply
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