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:iconsecreted: More from Secreted


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July 27, 2012
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You can't believe that one moment you were fine, just chatting to the ever stupid Egbert, when everything spiraled down. Terezi had called off her matespritship with you because Gamzee had told her that you love Dave instead, which is untrue. You hate him, as in a kismesis relationship. You had been so relieved when Dave shared these feelings with you and hadn't said he was homosexual, which you have no idea what the hell that means, because you would finally have all your quadrants filled.

Terezi would be your matesprit, Dave would be your kismesis, Gamzee would be your moirail, and Kanaya your auspitice. But you don't have your matesprit anymore and you're moirail is the reason why.

It's been a day since Terezi left you. You were able to get Equius to set your station back up in the lab and Sollux to fix your computer which had glitched when you fell backwards into it. You've cleaned the blood off your face from your bloody nose and washed your sweater so no one will know that you have disgusting blood coursing through your veins. You're chest is still sore from all the crying and the pain of having a piece of your bloodpumper ripped off.

Everyone is giving you distance to recover from yesterday, and for that you are grateful. They know that a troll needs space after something like this. Even Eridan's keeping his distance. No one has seen Terezi, and you would feel bad for her because she doesn't have a moirail to help her out through this, but you don't care about her anymore. Your bond with her and all the strings attached have been disconnected.

You are sitting in your chair in front of your monitor, hands sitting palm up in your lap. You stare at your blank screen, unable to bring yourself to turn the fucking thing on and do something. Your nose throbs with every beat of your troll heart and you bring your hand up to lightly touch it. Ugh, man it still hurts.

You let your hand fall back in your lap and you rest your head against the table. There are so many things going on through your head. Half of them involve Gamzee and the other half are filled with painful memories of you and Terezi. You'll be sure to get rid of them later.

Why would Gamzee do this to you? What was he thinking? Last night you had cried yourself to sleep in his arms and this morning you had been sure to wake early and get out of them, unable to bear being near him for the moment. He's sitting across the lab from you, typing away quietly. He's not being his usual loud and annoying self. It would concern you, but you don't have the energy (or the desire really) to do anything about it.

Looks like you've hit the first bump in your moirailship.

"Motherfucker…" you hear Gamzee mutter from across the room. Your ear tips turn a little red and you turn around, thinking he's talking to you. But you only see him facing his screen. "I'll fucking…" Makara stands up from his chair, uncurling his long, skinny body from his hunched over sitting position. He kicks his chair into the wall and everyone turns to look and see what the commotion is.

"FUCK," the Capricorn shouts. His face is a deep and angry shade of indigo. You're eyes are wide as you watch him jerk the table. Then his face turns and your eyes meet. You can see his grow a little softer before he looks away and marches to the transportalizer, vanishing.

Everyone's eyes turn to you, waiting to see what you'll do. Will you go after your moirail and calm him down, or will you sit there, you're mouth agape and catching flies?

You swallow, turn around towards your computer, and turn it on.

You wait until it boots up and when it does, you go to trollian. You see that Dave is on and you start a chat window with him.

CG: HEY.

TG: hey

CG: I'M HAVING A DIMUNITIVE DILEMMA OVER HERE.

TG: kitkat
TG: can i just
TG: tell you something

You pierce your lips, wanting to tell Strider about your problems, but it seems he wants to talk about something else.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

TG: bro i dont think we can be together

CG: WHAT?!
CG: WHY? WHAT THE GOGDAMN FUCKING HELL??

TG: its just that im… im not a homosexual

CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO USE THAT LAME EXCUS WITH ME, YOU SHITHEAD DICKWAD SON OF A BITCH. I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU TOO.

TG: im sorry man but its over
TG: i dont think well work out and
TG: i dont want to hurt you kitkat
TG: please understand
TG: kitkat
TG: are you there

You stand from your chair, tipping it over. You grab the computer with your hands, pick it up, disconnecting it from all the wires, and throw it to the floor a few yards away. It crashes to the ground. The screen cracks and you can see the image of your conversation blink out.

"I HATE YOU!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG, oh my Gog, oh my Gog…"

The pain blossoms again in your chest. The pain of losing someone from your quadrant. It's happening again. What's going on? Why does everyone hate you all of a sudden? Why is everyone leaving you?

You can feel someone grab your shoulders and shake you gently. Your eyes are closed shut, tears leaking down them. You're body is shaking again and the physical pain you are experiencing from detaching yourself from yet another person is starting to take its toll on you.  

"Oh, Karkat, it's okay," you can hear Kanaya saying. She sounds distant, the blast of your crying ringing in your ears. You collapse in her caring arms and she strokes your soft black hair, doing what your moirail should be doing. But he isn't here. He's doing something else.

You can feel all of your friends pressing in around you, trapping you in a group hug. You can feel all of their body heat radiate around you. They are being true fucking friends, what you really need right now. The ones closest to you squeeze you comfortingly and make shooshing noises.

IT HURTS. THE PAIN. YOU NEED YOUR MOIRAIL, BUT HE ISN'T HERE FOR YOU. YOU HAVE EVERYONE ELSE BUT TEREZI AND HIM HERE FOR YOU. THEY ARE CONCERNED FOR THEIR LEADER. YOU HAVEN'T CRIED IN FRONT OF THEM BEFORE UNTIL YESTERDAY. THEY KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING VERY TRAMATIC.

They don't know the half of it.

"Thooth, KK, ith okay."

"Uh, you're going to be, uh, all right, Karkat."

"He needs a towel."

"I already hate it when he cries. It's okay, shush."

"Glub, Glub…Please don't cry, Karkat."

"Yeah, Kar, no more cryin', please. For us."

"Oh, Karkat…"

"You're a purrfect leader, Karkitty, it's okay to cry."

"My little one, you will be fine. Just calm down. We are here for you."

Everyone does care for you. They really do. You had thought they hated you, were annoyed by you and your yelling. But they do give a shit, and that makes you cry harder.

For once you don't need Gamzee.
here's the second part. i'm finishing up the third and i should be finishing all of it soon

pairing(s): Gamzee/Karkat which soon becomes Sober!Gamzee/Karkat. Also some DaveKat

about: Gamzee wants to be more in Karkat's life. He wants to be in the Cancer's red quadrant. However, Karkat is cheating on Terezi with Dave and Gamzee is deturmined that he will have no one but himself as his matesprit.

i have a little head cannon of mine that when a troll loses someone from one of their pail feeling quadrants, such as matespritship and their kismesis, they go through a physically painful detachment as well as a mental one.

Part 1: [link]
Part 3: [link]
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:iconnarutolaw:
NarutoLaw Featured By Owner May 8, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
aww ;n; and Equius, I love what he said xD
Reply
:iconkimiko-cantdraw:
Kimiko-CantDraw Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
Love this so much.

I think Equius killed the mood at the end. :D
Reply
:iconiamsortofabigdeal:
IAmSortOfABigDeal Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
equius's line was probably my favorite from this part. just.. so cute. i really love this series! and all your work in general. you're awesome
Reply
:icongmyumil:
GMYumil Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
Well, a lot of people here are talking about their 'feels', so I'll just say it.

I read this, cried a bit, ran to my room and cried like hell.


You have outdone yourself, Alex. This is the best homestuck fanfic ever.

Thank you for this piece of art.
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
that really means a lot espically coming from you, bro. i've read your comment over and over and i still can't believe you actually like it so much!

no, thank you for making me bounce off the walls of my room in joy
Reply
:iconbroadwaykarkat:
BroadwayKarkat Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
WELL FUCK MY FEELS. APPARENTLY PEOPLE DO CARE. AND I'M JUST GOING OT CRAWL INTO A CORNER AND CRY FOR A FEW DAYS. DON'T TELL GAMZEE.
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
of course we care, Karkat! everybody loves you, you know. shoosh :icongamzeelovesyoutooplz:

and i won't tell gamzee, i promise
Reply
:iconxxhavok:
XxHavoK Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
All the feels. I love that little group thing there XD
Kitkat. I used to have a fat black cat named kitkat :'D
Reply
:iconsecreted:
Secreted Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha thank you. i could just see everyone being so concerned for karkat that they had to try and calm him down
XD i love cats. what happened to him?
Reply
:iconxxhavok:
XxHavoK Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It was so sweet I think I died :')
I do to amg
He was fat and old, then he went in the forest. We excpect he died.
Reply
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